Let's talk about the unemployed who are dealing with the shame of being unemployed Rated PG-13

I’m not sure shame is the right emotion for what I am feeling while I claim unemployment benefits. I’m still grappling with getting a check for basically doing nothing. I am one of the 30 million Americans who have been laid off because of covid-19. I didn’t want to be laid off; I don’t enjoy being at home wrestling with the anxiety of wondering what I’m going to do when this is all over? I’m definitely not lounging around on my paid stay-cation living the high life. Pun intended. I think about it every day. And I worry. And I think some more. I’m 37, have a new house, two pre-teen boys and a relatively new husband who is a paramedic firefighter. His job is recession proof and so he will literally never feel this way and will never know what it’s like to love your job and then one day get called into an office and laid off. Not even furloughed. Like straight up gone. Bye Felicia. To avoid a pissing match of who’s lay off story is worse let’s just say it all stings. Thank god for unemployment benefits because I can’t even work at Wendy’s if I wanted to right now. Because of unemployment I don’t have to worry about missing my mortgage payment and I can still buy food for my family. Let’s be clear. I am not out spending my whole wad of unemployment benefits on stupid shit like some people think, I’m being smart and practical. Saving as much as I can and preparing for when it runs out. Also planning, lots of planning on what to do next. My husband called my unemployment check welfare today. That it wasn’t a real income. That it was a handout. In not very kind words he said I was a bit lazy and what did I do with the time in my day anyway? He wanted to know the details. All of them. Then he could put them into his little brain processor of judgement and let me know if I was being productive enough with my time. Thank God he’s a firefighter and is gone 24 hours so that I can take a breath and not feel like I’m being micromanaged. Ohhhh shit. He’s a firefighter which means he is out in the public potentially being exposed every third day. Catch 22  Did I mention this was fun?! I mean a Groundhog Day of hell with a new surprise emotion every day to try and process? I’m exhausted. Throw in kids that aren’t in school and my worry of unemployment running out and not being able to get a job when they start hiring again. Ok I think that’s all the bad stuff. (heavy-sigh) Oh wait. I can’t even buy eggs anymore.  I don’t need my husband’s criticism that I’m not using my time wisely, I am my own harshest critic. This monstrosity of doom and gloom that is both terrifying health wise and an economic disaster is enough to worry about thank you very much. I’m grappling with losing my everyday jam that I loved. My sense of pride and ability to join and contribute to society. I loved saying I’m a mom that works. Not only that but until a few weeks ago I was a solo-parenting-full-time-working-bad-ass-woman; Can you hear me roar? My roar is quieter now, my new normal is collecting unemployment and I'm not proud of it but I am so grateful for it. It’s like one less giant rock on my chest waiting to crush me. I can breathe just a tiny bit while I try and manage all the other rocks being piled on top. Instead of enjoying today I got my  husband telling me that I need to spend 40 hours a week at home doing the ‘equivalent’ of a full-time job. No. Thank. You.  You don’t own me. You aren’t my boss. Who made you king? These are all things that came out of my mouth. Also, If you are my ‘boss’ I fucking quit because you’re a mother fucking dick head ass hole. Yep, I Really said that.  It wasn’t pretty. And we still haven’t patched things up because I’m hurt. I want to feel loved unconditionally and supported when something happens out of my control. I didn’t ask for this. It’s happening to all of us in a completely different way and we need to respect that. Respect my journey, and your friends’ journey and the guy on Facebook who has totally different ideas than you. Just respect all of it, or at least try. And respect your own journey because whether you want to admit it or not you are having one. That’s what I should have said instead of all that fiery stuff. Let’s be done with the story time and get to some tips on how you can support that special newly unemployed person in your life Tip 1. Listen to them and hear their fears. Really focus on hearing them. Don’t try and give them the answer. Don’t try and ‘fix’ this. Don’t tell them they aren’t doing something right. Just shut up and listen. Even better is if you can throw in nice phrases like ‘man that would suck’ ‘you are handling this really well my love, I’m not sure I’d handle it as gracefully as you’ Just try. If you can't say anything nice don't say anything at all. Tip 2. Positivity goes so much farther than negativity. Remember that whole solo parenting thing? Stay positive. It works. For every one negative comment you have to say 5 positive things just to get yourself back up to the zero starting point. Negative comments/judgements/words are 5 times heavier than not saying anything at all. Isn’t that crazy? Go google ‘John Gottman The magic relationship ratio’ You’re welcome.  Final tip. Make every attempt to laugh at a situation when you can. Laughter is medicine. It is the only way out of this with our mental strength somewhat intact. Maybe if we put a little extra thought and care into how we grow our relationships we can come of this stronger, more loved and with some fucking hilarious stories.  If you know anyone who is hiring writers that started writing during covid-19 just hit me up.